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  • Lilyan Andrews

Be Kind to Your Self-Confidence

Have you ever met someone that wasn’t “beautiful” according to the standards of popular culture, but because of her self-confidence she was the most attractive person in the room? Her natural glow and radiant personality immediately drew you to her. On the other hand, have you ever met someone who was undeniably gorgeous, but her personality was dull and her self-consciousness was evident in her body-language? I saw a quote once that stuck with me, it said, “Beauty attracts the eye, but personality captures the heart.” There is a difference between outward beauty and inward beauty, and I’m here to convince you that one outweighs the other. Can you guess which one?


Let me challenge your perception of beauty for just a second. What is beauty? Is it being a size zero in clothing? Is it a perfectly contoured face covered with makeup? Is it solid abs combined with thin long legs? Is it flawless hair blowing in the wind?


I’d argue that beauty is all of those things and none of those things at the same time. Beauty is being comfortable in your own skin. No matter what shape, color, or size you are. It is about being confident in everything you have and not getting hung up on the things you lack. It is about being able to leave the house without obsessing over your reflection in the mirror for hours.


So you don’t like your _______ (fill in the blank)? Can you do something about it? If the answer is yes, then get up and do something about it. If the answer is no, then accept it and embrace it. For years I didn’t like how big my nose was or how curly my hair was. I’ve come to realize that those are beautifully made pieces of a much more intricate puzzle. I obviously can’t do anything about my oversized nose, and no, plastic surgery is never the answer. As for my frizzy curly hair I've learned to take care of it without always burning it straight (look up the curly girl method if you are curious).


After giving birth I disliked all the extra weight I had gained, which is a completely normal part of growing another human inside of you. I refused to spend money on a whole new wardrobe because all my pre-pregnancy clothes didn’t fit. So I decided to do something about it. I started eating healthy and exercising. Granted, I got lucky with genetics that make it easy to maintain an average weight. There are many people who have to fight harder to be healthy because of their genetics (I’m not a doctor, but you get my point). Something else I didn’t like, and had absolutely no control over, were my stretch marks. I got stretch marks in places where I didn’t know stretch marks were possible to have. Certain parts of my body will never look the same, and that’s okay. I now look at them as little battle scars reminding me of the beautiful creatures God entrusted me to carry.


Give yourself some grace!


That has been one of the biggest lessons of my adult life, and I wish I learned it sooner. Be kind to yourself. Self-pity is a trick the devil uses to lead us in wallowing in our own misery. Stop digging yourself into a pit of despair. Life will throw enough hard things at you that you’ll have to deal with. So don’t let this hardship be of your own self making.


If you start saying something to yourself that you would never say to your close friend, then you most likely shouldn’t be saying it to yourself. What if you were saying those terrible things out loud to yourself and a younger girl who has similar physical attributes heard it? Maybe it’s your little sister, a younger cousin, or the little girl you serve in summer camp. It would be utterly devastating to her, wouldn’t it? I came across this video and absolutely loved it’s message. Do yourself a favor and go watch it. It tells you to treat yourself with the same love and respect you want to show others. So be careful what you say to yourself, because you are always listening.


Know that your Maker made you perfect just the way you are. You are made in His image, and He never makes mistakes. Please stop believing that He messed up when He made your nose too big or your hair too curly. Find your inner beauty and let that outshine your outer beauty. Because outer beauty is passing with age, but your inner beauty will last forever.


“Charm is deceitful and beauty is passing,

But a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised.”

Proverbs 31:30


P.S. One post about self-confidence doesn’t do the topic justice. So look for future posts about self-confidence, self-love, self-image, self-worth and any kind of self that you might be lacking.


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©2020 by Lilies and Thorns.